Google not so googly

I have been neglecting my blog lately. It's not that I haven't thought about it, far from it, I spend my days at work thinking about what I should write in my blog. Coincidentally, spending work hours thinking about my blog is also the reason why I haven't had any time to write in it. Do you see my dilemma? It truly is a vicious cycle.

There's something about being at work which makes me feel like doing anything besides work. I don't know why, it's not really like there are interesting things at work to distract me. I find it so hard to do work at work that I actually engage my desk neighour in conversation. Not a biggie really, except that my neighbour, C, has a life which revolves entirely around her children. I don't think I've ever known so much about people I've never met before. For instance, I know that C's son doesn't eat lunch until 2pm, except if it's a cheese sandwich because he doesn't like it when the cheese gets sweaty from being in the lunchbox too long. I pretty much know C's daughter's Safeway roster off by heart, because C tells me everyday. I know C's eldest son wants to buy a car, but he needs to pay off his credit card first. Then there's all that information about weekend cricket games, and the taxi driver thing. It's bloody verbal contraception.

In addition to the mind numbing conversation, there's also the entensive internet surfing and personal email correspondence which I must undertake on a daily basis. So really there's very little time left in the day to do any work, and since it's actually kind of busy, I've had to bring my work home with me. I don't mind really, I'm far more efficient working on my little laptop anyway.

Which brings me to the real point of this post if there ever was one. I've been handed a project at work which 3 years of university education and $15,000 of HECS does not prepare me for - I have to write a report on the state of the current Australian sharemarket and my recommendations for our future communications strategy. Then I have to present it to the whole entire management team. Hmmmmmm, haaarrrrgghhh, hmmmmmm. Like what the fuck?

During my university career, I wrote very little and did public speaking not at all. During an extended moment of insanity, I chose a major in Actuarial studies, which basically meant I spent my time examining stats tables and proving mathematical formulas were true (like you could prove they weren't). Even during my earlier career, I didn't write at all. In fact, I was so desperate to write something, I did Yak's homework. And gave her my lunch money. And she gave me a wedgie.

Although my current role involves writing, it's just to turn out marketing drivel like "reaching your investment objectives blah blah blah". Now I'm expected to convince using facts and stuff. It's strange that despite being on the wrong side of my twenties, I still feel like a kid who is playing dress ups. Sometimes, when I'm sitting in a meeting with people who are acting all professional and businesslike, I feel like Tom Hanks in the movie Big. I don't feel sufficiently grown up enough for this. What the hell am I going to say? I tried to google some other communications strategies to plagerise, but apparently people don't really make these things public.

I'm supposed to be working on this report and presentation right now, but my mind is a blank. My trusty google has failed me. If I'm still stuck by tomorrow, I'm going to Plan B - Fran from Blackbooks in the episode where she gets job with unknown job function. I really hope plan B works, because I really don't want to resort to Plan C - picture entire room naked. Frankly I've seen many of them strutting around in their cycling uniforms, and I must say that a little part of me dies everytime I see the un-holy union of middle-aged men and lycra.